Your horrible letters are very disturbing. That is not to say I wish you to stop. I must know how you are and looking for time when it will improve.
Well, I guess we're both going up and down. But this haemorrhoid stuff is enough and I'm sick of it. Can't imagine that Czech doctors are necessarily better than here. Simply a matter of snip and sow, and the body will heal the rest. My body's pretty good at healing it seems, so it should be okay. They would have to be total monkeys and leave big scissors in my butt or do such a bad sowing job that I bleed into myself. I really doubt something like that would happen. Finally got an email from VZP and they said that the southern Greek part is in the EU, so my regular insurance should work there, on the argument that I "should not have to go back to my home country for an operation like this". Made sorta friends with the Turkish doctor and am negotiating with him to write up a horrible letter than I had a plum hanging out my ass and that I really need the operation. I'll send that around, and assume I'll take that with me to Greece one weekend and get it snipped. It's been troubling me long enough and I just want some peace.
Your health is mostly important and have to be fixed and you must go through tests. Why not to drive back to
the Czech Republic which was your plan anyway and have normal doctors fix you. I am weary of
Turkey ones. Your insurance may not cover. What will it take for you to drive back and escape the heat of the summer? You
need tires and you need money for gas.
I thought I mentioned that it would cost about 50 thousand Kc to get to the
Czech Republic and back, so I think I wont bother and will just hang here for a while, laying low, and pay off all my debts. Absolute worst case scenario, I can maybe permanently park here at the university where I found free internet, so I don't have to pay out for gas (just calculated that it should be about 70$ a month to get to the beach every day) and survive on bread in the hardest times (about 70 cents a day). My internet is now free. My greatest cost now seems to be the
pirated DVDs I rent almost every day, cause I can only work so much. But I've started putting up fliers around campus that I'm willing to teach English for beers and the opportunity to meet people, so that could even save on the DVD renting. I sold our new
apartment in Vancouver and we are looking for some reno job dog house to fix up and start again. Vlad was depressed because 25 years of building business went up the smoke with Tims accident and we did not have any project, had to sell the dream house on the creek and now the apartment. But we are rid of loans and healthy enough to work for few years yet. AS you see dreams are often for dreaming and are good to have but not always work. My dream was to live in Vancouver, have a cottage at Whistler. Had some, lost some.
Well, at least you don't have the debts. You can't get another
project manager? At least you have a good base off of which you can build, so I guess a matter of time. What would life be if it did not have its ups and downs?
So back to you. This will be letter in stages as I am afraid to lose it and start again.
Like I said before, just write all your emails in Word if you have to. You can save the file as you type, so you won't lose anything even if your computer gets unplugged. When you're done, then simply paste it into your email thing, whether online or offline. You can even BCC it to yourself so that you have confirmation it was actually sent out. Once you get that confirmation, you can erase that .doc file. I usually keep mine in a directory called Erase. There's always some solution to the computer - you just need to get creative and explore options.
You have no money for food, asking Natasa for loan. Driving back with very unsafe car is crazy, muffler here, tires there, transmission over there, be stuck in the middle of Montenegro..... I will help but it will have some condition attached and you do not like that but I do not like you to be in the situation you are in. We are in Hawaii on the last moment special to think about our future because we are not distracted by anything and anybody. We have to figure out our life and now we have to figure out what to do about you. I will continue later in the day and then again and tell you what is on my mind. My biggest concern is your health and safety. xxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooooomaminka
Well, at least I got that job and figure I have about another month to survive. So I'll keep looking for customers, and maybe something will come in. That's a month at my old costs where I was paying for internet, so perhaps 1.5 months now. And I can always do the bread thing if I really get
desperate, but I assume enough work should come in to get me through this valley, and then hopefully smooth sailing upwards, once my webwork finally kicks in enough. Been getting great results on a few pages lately, so at least its working.
> You have A LOT of time on your hands :-)
Yup. But like I wrote, sitting in front of this computer all day, one needs to get their mind to something else. You can turn to people at work and chat, or you have your meetings. Imagine sitting in front of the computer at least 8 hours a day, by yourself, in a sardine can, and you can understand why I'm glad to wander off occasionally.
It is an interesting question, and its cool you asked. You're right; the work in the office is much different than what you do at the low level. I've thought of this a lot in relation to what I want to do with myself, because overall I do enjoy my work (to an extent, or rather, there exist aspects of the job that I enjoy, but others that I can't stand). I think when you're in a position of power, you have more ability to influence, to lean, to use, to make happen, and that adds to the overall feeling of contentment. What I don't like is that I'm not building wealth for my own hands. BUT, I have come to realize, that in all likelihood, I'm just not really the best guy to go and start a business. I say that as I have found that what I really excel at is setting process, making order from mess, setting direction, strategy, thinking out of the box when it comes to solution (at least in comparison to a dev audience that thinks very inline), etc. I SUCK at making initial contact, building people contact, selling (as I'm way too truthful), etc. While my goods have a few that are useful in the entrepreneur world, my cons overweigh them, at least until I am able to get over them.
Yah, I think I'm exactly the same way, otherwise I would probably be more successful by now. I always detested the idea of chasing after money when I didn't feel confident in the production end, and its easy to always find something to improve, which I enjoy more anyway. I'm trying to change that with the seo thing, which is a suitable way of finding customers for me, because I don't have to put on a suit, its technical, challenging and interesting, so it's technically a perfect way. Then perhaps pay for some ads if I'm rolling in the dough, or set up branches or something, where someone else can worry about the marketing end and I on the production end. Someone told me that successful businesses are built on partnerships (including employees) where everyone has their own strengths and they work together. So like Bill Gates and his marketing dude, who´s the second richest dude in the world. I guess Bill Gates is more into the production end and upper management or something. Or like Steve Wozniak and the other guy from Apple Computers. I guess we´re just two tech heads and maybe one reason why are partnership didn´t go so well, because we´re doubling up on things. If you ever wanted to try it again, perhaps go in with a marketing oriented partner. But personally I´m pretty allergic to the idea of partnerships. Many people I know hurt relationships with friends, and I like to be in control etc.
So not to turn this into a psychiatrist session about myself, but I think it basically comes down to being in an environment where you can excel. When you can excel, you feel good, and if its in a company like Monster, than fine, you enjoy it. The drudgery DOES happen though, and for me that shows it is time to move. I have that now in Monster, but on the other hand I'm well paid, the work is not as hard as it used to be (as I have learned) and I want to spend some time to visit other parts of my life, enjoy life a bit, etc. and think about the next step, so for right now I'm not actively pursuing climbing the ladder. Will give it some time and just continue making things work as I'm good at in the current position. Money - for now, good, though I could make far more working in sales or something. Stress level - generally, ok, but that to me is a sign that I'm not pushing myself now, which is ok per my current plan. Work hours - it was crazy first 2 months, it is getting better and I feel better. Success - people say I'm successful. I still think I could be much more. For now I just feel comfortable I guess.
So you´re more in people managing and less on the tech end? That sounds more interesting. Good you´re working less, cause balance is good. Life can´t be all work. I think your technical background is good for project management, so I´m curious to see how your skills develop in that area. Would definitely come in handy if you ever wanted to start something yourself. Just find some marketing nut and give him a good commission or something.
Hopefully that gave you a snapshot of what you were asking. I plan to get back to you at some point about visiting
Cyprus. Just too busy to get any planning done but working on it!
It´s getting toasty warm now, but still coolish at night. Was told that it gets around 45 in the summer, but that on the beach at night you still need a blanket. A lot better than Croatia, where I could barely sleep. I think by the time you get organised it will be happily toasty here so you can get a good blast of the beach and sun. Hope I can endure the summer here.
just read your email on my mobile and responding now so that you do not worry. You say you cannot reason with me, but I think this is a classic case. I believe women tend to think on emotions first, and then logic, hence a male, who often thinks more logically, has a problem reasoning with them. Your emotion would like to have me back in
Prague, so you can feel I'm safe, know which pubs I'm frequenting, have a rough idea where I am at any time, so that you can sleep well at night. And are using all possible arguments to bring out such a reality. That is not based on reason at all. I have an engineers brain with high intelligence, so of course you cannot reason with me if this is where your arguments come from. It is a nice feeling that someone out there is thinking about me and worried, but I don't want you to worry like that if it will take away your sleep and torture you. You say you can't go to sleep when facing the darkness, and I imagine that in that darkness your imagination is running wild, because you cannot imagine where I am, or what it is like here, and in your normal nature you paint the worst possible picture of my predicament, and get overly worried. Just think how worried you must have been when I decided to move back to
the
Czech Republic, comparing it to Ethiopia and North Korea. Imagining all the communists who will kidnap me when I step off the plane. This island has practically no crime rate, the people are friendly, and I'd say it is much safer here than in Prague, which I'd say is safer than your Vancouver. You say that my new lifestyle is destroying my health, but that has no logic to it at all. It is my financial situation which is forcing me to consider eating bread and nothing to do with living in a box. If I were to live in Prague now with my income, and have to pay the crazy rent there, and have a million friends tempting me for beers, I would certainly not be able to survive. Sure, food is a little bit cheaper there, but consider the rent and all the other costs. And considering I don't have all those friends tempting me to beer, I am consuming much much less, and overall I'd say my health has a much better chance on the road than in Prague, where everyone offers joints, and I have to inhale that crap air. All that exhaust, and the inversion which happens in the winter, where all the coal heated buildings and car stink coming out of old Ladas hangs in the air, until the government issues warning that in Prague 1 and 2 people should stay inside. As if the air in their apartment is supposed to be much better than outside. So you cannot reason with me because your arguments are not based on reason. Concerning Stedry, tlusty intestines would probably be something like inflated intestines. One problem I recently decided about hemeroids is that it is all jumbled up and inflated at the exit hole that the crap can´t get out so well. And if the crap can´t get out so well, it stays there, which it shouldn´t. Because the body processes the crap we eat, and the liver etc. which removes toxins from our bodies gets rid of it through or pee and through our poo. But if our poo is kinda stuck and hanging around too much, the toxins seep back into our blood stream through the intestinal walls. And if you take the typical Czech diet of tons of pork and beef, which lines and clogs the
intestines and may lead to constipation or other annoying complications, over the years of this situation in a Czech person´s hemeroids can certainly lead to cancer and other problems. But I don´t eat so much meat, and my fasts every year cleanse my system and my intestines. So I really think that an operation here will be much easier than Stedry, so there is really no need to pick out of the hat the worst case you can think of and offer to buy a plane fare and get me the best Czech hemorrhoid < surgeon. If I get into serious trouble, sending me money to supplement my bread with vegetables should be plenty, and certainly cheaper, but I hope I don´t get to that extreme. I hope I don´t even have to borrow from Natasha, as I really do not like to borrow money. You say that I said I have to go back to Czech every year. Another grasping at straws, using any argument to get me "comfortable and safe" back in Prague for your own piece of mind, but since then I´ve been enquiring and 1) I can get health insurance here 2) my normal Czech health insurance works in the Greek half of Cyprus, where I hope to go soon to get my operation, as I don´t think the AXA travel insurance will pay for it here in the Northern,
Turkey side of Cyprus (imagine your health insurance covering you in Toronto, which is probably much farther from Vancouver than Prague from Cyprus), and 3) apparently the little stickers are not such a big deal after all. You can barely see them on the licence plate, perhaps local police would not even know what they mean. Actually, considering the amount of cars I see here on the road which spit out horrible black or grey smoke, perhaps they do not even have
emissions tests here. After all, it is a small island in the Mediterranean, with cleanish breeze blowing the stink in any other direction. And if I drive into Czech, I´m told I can just say I was travelling abroad for a while and that I am working on getting the papers together. I can show them my passport. This is experience from friends who have been there and know. Friends who drive around Europe a lot. And what percentage of police in Czech even bother to look at those little stickers. Well, so at least you have my reasonable logical arguments against your unreasonable illogical fears, and hopefully you can get some sleep now. Oh yes, and the study of mice eating bread that you refer to, how long were they eating bread only? There is a lot of nutrients in bread one can survive on for a long time, but of course it does not have all the nutrients the body needs, so eventually they will die. I cannot imagine I would be eating only bread for that length of time, so once again an unreasonable argument. Well, I guess that about covers it for your letter. You´ve always tried to steer me this way and that, mostly based on illogical arguments. The last time I listened to you is when I wanted to take a year off before going to university, a very reasonable proposition, but you screamed and foamed at the mouth that the brain stops working if not in use for such a long time, and that I will not be able to get back into the regime of learning. That is about the most ridiculous argument one can ever mention. I realised following your advice then was a mistake, I ended up taking three years off, and vowed to never consider your advice with such weight again. I´m here parked on the beach, watching the sun come up over the sea and fill up my little wooden cottage this morning as I type this letter, and I look forward to another happy day in peace. The people here are relaxed and friendly, and I like it. I´m glad I´m away from Prague and the snobs and the gossip, so if you cannot share that enjoyment with me, unfortunately you will have to suffer your own worries yourself. It will not affect my peace. Of course, I hope that you will not worry, because it is potentially more health dangerous than my
hemeroids, but I will not allow it to dictate my life. I will just write this letter and try to reason with YOU, using real logic and sound arguments, to hopefully paint a picture for you that things are really not that horrid as your imagination leads you to. Should I send you some pictures of my daily safe and peaceful life so that you can look at them and feel better? On my last chapter blob you should see a picture of the beach where I am parked, and then a bunch of ruins. If you want, I can take types of pictures I never usually take just so you do not worry. Consider all my arguments, and it is truly nonsense to fly back to Prague. Where would I even stay. And I am certainly not going to go under your wing and rules, and live here or there, and get this or that job, so don´t even think of trying. You are just wasting your breath. I can certainly be a viable option, as one never knows. But in this case, if you examine all the points with a clear mind (and from my perspective, who is actually here and should know more about my surroundings), it is simply nonsense and a waste of money. Anyway, I don´t pay rent, I don´t pay for electricity, and now I don´t even have to pay for internet. This should put my costs down to about 70$ a week with my healthy eating of salads etc. If I were to resort to bread only, and not drive anywhere, I guess I could reduce that to 7 dollars a week, but I really don´t feel I will need to resort to that extreme. I am simply analysing my options. Not a reality you need to use for the horrible fantasies you are painting. Well, hopefully you will not worry anymore, and now back to my nice and peaceful day.
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